Victor's Eye Appointment

A couple of months ago I took Victor to the optometrist for an eye exam. As he sat in the exam chair with the large black contraption in front of his face, he said:

Victor: If Calvin were here, he would say this is a medieval torture devise.

Doctor: [small snort of laughter]

Victor: I take it you know which Calvin I'm referring to.

Doctor, after a minute: I thought they stopped publishing Calvin and Hobbes years ago.

Victor: Yes. But now you can buy it in books, such as The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes.



Also of note, Victor flunked his colorblind test. He really does not see what I see.

The Computer Zeke Likes to Use

We have a desktop computer at the SwindleHouse. The boys' school has a set of Mac notebooks.

Zeke told me yesterday that he like to use the flattops at school.

Overheard, about Victor's Baptism

Victor turns eight this month. I just overheard him telling his friend about his birthday.

Zeke: You have to be eight to be baptized.

Raymond: So you're eight?

Victor: No, I'm going to be eight.

Zeke: And when you're eight you can be baptized.

Raymond: So it's going to be your birthday and you're going to be eight?


Victor: One of my biggest presents is going to be my baptism. Then I will have the gift of the Holy Ghost to help me know what is right.

Raymond: Have you ever done anything that's wrong?

Victor, seriously: Everybody has done things that are wrong.

Raymond: I've done things that are wrong, but I can't remember what they are.

Then they started discussing politics, and Raymond informed Victor that everybody has his own opinion.

Why Victor Can't Focus Sometimes, by Victor

Today, Victor's math teacher stopped me in the hall to tell me a story. Victor approached her the other day and said, in his thoughtful way and with his customary hand motions:

Mrs. H, I have been thinking about why it is just so hard for me to focus and get the right answers sometimes. It is because I am so tall, and the blood just can't get all the way to the top of my head.

Mrs. H said she had no idea how to respond to that, but that she's been laughing about it ever since.

Cheating at Candy Land

Today's column is about cheating when you play Candy Land with kids. Thanks to Katie for the consult!

Read it here at Nauvoo Times.

Dancing in Gym Class

Here is a link to this week's column: Dancing in Gym Class.

Thanks to the friend who gave me the question, and to Jenny for consulting on my answer.

Grandma Hammond's Weapon

Several weeks ago we called my Grandma to say hello. We asked her about her time as a Marine in WWII. Victor had a specific question:

Victor: Did you use a gun?

Grandma, laughing: No, I didn't use a gun.

Victor: So what did you use? A sword? An arrow?

Grandma: I used a typewriter.

Zeke: That does not kill anyone.

I Swam the Length of Haw River

Today, I swam my final 55 laps in the Swim the Length of Haw River challenge at the Y. It took me 8 months to swim 110 miles. That's 3960 laps.

I enjoy swimming, but my fingernails are suffering from all of the water and chlorine.

Victor Chooses an Instrument

Yesterday, Victor sang in the Primary Program. His sudden show of musicality made me excited. After church I asked him:

Me: Victor, what instrument do you think you would like to play?

Victor, immediately: There is only one.

Me, interested: What's that?

Victor, very seriously: The harmonica.

FHE: Goals

Last night we sat down for Family Home Evening. Jeremy asked Victor what gospel topic he would like to learn about.

Victor chose setting goals. Or as he put it, "writing down what you are bad at so you can improve." After the lesson, he insisted on giving each person a Rice Krispie treat, which has a blank space on the wrapper where you can write things. We then had to write our goal on the treat so we would see it tomorrow.

Victor's goal is to do a really, really good job mowing a lawn (no sharks). Zeke's goal is to get his green band in swimming at the pool (which would grant him access to all parts of the pool).

It was a good lesson, and the boys were enthused about it. But I'm not sure where they learned about goals or why goals are so attractive to them. I would have predicted the opposite.

My Mother Dear

One of Zeke's favorite songs is "My Mother Dear." He likes to sing it to me. My favorite line is, "Like happy songs of bluebirds," just because of the way he says "bluebirds."

Tonight he sang it to me while he was going to bed, and for the first time ever he sang the last line: "A person bright and lovely is my mother dear."

Until tonight, I had been his "mudder dear."

Invisible

Zeke got a Happy Meal on Saturday, with a Batman toy. He put in on an outside table while he ran into use the bathroom. When he got back, the toy was gone.

Zeke: Where's my Batman?

Jeremy: I don't know. Where did you leave it?

Zeke: On the table, but he's missing.

Jeremy: Hmm. I guess you'll have to look for it.

Zeke, sweeping his arm over the space on top of the table: He's not invisible . . .

Victor Drives a Bus

Look to your right and you will see a picture of Victor driving a bus at age one. He is ecstatic.

Here he is now, age seven, and still thrilled to drive a bus.

Zeke's Secret Skill

I asked Zeke last week if he had told his teacher that he can read.

Me: Have you told Mrs. S that you can read?

Zeke: No.

Me: Why not?

Zeke, seriously: It is a secret. Just for our family.

Fun Mom Rents a Kayak

Jeremy had Monday off, and suggested we rent canoes.

I was very surprised. The last time we rented canoes was in 2000 or 2001, before we were married. My mom rented them for Pioneer Day or some other summer holiday, and we went to Payson Lakes with whichever of my siblings were not on missions, my cousins Greg and Ben, and probably a few of my sister Lizzy's friends.

Jeremy, not an avid canoer, was interested to learn that our family thought it was fun to paddle around the lake with no apparent destination. And that the goal was not to get across the lake as quickly as possible for lunch.

Our canoe adventure was not going well. Our canoe just didn't seem to move as sleekly as Greg and Ben's canoe, which shot through the water as if in a Boy Scout training video.

And then Jeremy became out of sorts. It is the only time my mother has ever seen him out of sorts, so she recalls it vividly. (Jeremy is rarely grouchy, grumpy, or out of sorts. He is very, very pleasant, even in the face of severe aggravation.) He said, "I give up! This canoe is broken!" And he laid down in the bottom of the canoe.

Our canoe was not, in fact, broken. It was merely weighed down by three other canoes that Greg had secretly tied to it. It was very funny, but left Jeremy without a taste for family canoeing.

So I was surprised that he wanted to take the boys out on the lake. After I remembered that I am fun and adventuresome, off we went. We rented a canoe for Jer and Zeke and a tandem kayak for me and Victor, and paddled around for about three hours. I had never paddled a kayak before, and enjoyed it. Victor was a surprisingly useful boat-mate. We landed on a little island and looked around, which the boys thought was marvelous. And I wore my knee brace and got an awesome tan line from it.

Zeke Starts Kindergarten

Victor and Zeke started school on Wednesday. Here they are in their uniforms.

Zeke had this to say about his first day:

1. A girl forgot her lunch.

2. His class may only use the drinking fountain, which is in the classroom, at certain times of the day. (I can't remember what those times are, but he did.)

3. He will only tell me more if I go to Target and buy him a Transformer.

Victor said he had a good day. And that they learned some rules, which are about the same as the rules he had last year.

Fast Cars

Whenever Victor sees a fast car in a parking lot, he checks out the speedometer to know how fast it will go.

He has done this for years.

Victor's Talk on Prayer

Towards the end of Sacrament Meeting today, Victor leaned over and whispered, "Mom. I have to give a talk today."

Uh-oh.

I had known that two weeks ago, but I had forgotten. Fortunarely, I had told Victor about the talk and he had been thinking about it.

"Don't worry," he said, "I've been writing it in my mind."

So Victor and I reverently hightailed it out of Sacrament Meeting to transcribe his talk onto paper for easy delivery.

Here is it.

PRAYER

[Victor started with the following ad-lib:]

I want to start by asking you a question. How many of you are afraid of the dark?

[Hands went up, including Jeremy's.]

Okay. How many of you are afraid of roller coasters?

[More hands.]

Okay. Today my talk is about prayer.

[This is the written part.]

If we do not pray we will not get what we need.

If we do nto get what we need in an emergency, who knows what could happen to us.

Here's something wonderful about prayer: If you ask for something that is right you shall receive it.

You can pray anytime or anywhere.

For example, if the lights go out and it's really dark at night, and the power will be out for two days because of a snow storm--if you can't find your flashlight, you can pray to find it in the dark.

If you are nervous about something, like you are afraid of the dark, you can pray to Heavenly Father and He can help you not to be afraid.

Or if it is your first time on a roller coaster and you are really scared, you can pray to Heavenly Father, and he may tell you how it's gong to turn out.

[Now another ad-lib, from his original mind-talk, which I omitted from the transcription and he added back in:]

Now, that is not a promise. He may tell you, but I cannot promise because I have never tried it.

[Back to the written version.]

I know we can pray at any time or anywhere that we are.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Utah Vacation

We went on an unexpected journey to Utah two weeks ago!

The purpose was to see our cousins.

This is a picture of some of the cousins: Zoie, Vea, Eliza, Alex, Zeke, Hailey, and Victor. I wish you could see all of their hair in this picture. You can exactly and easily match each child in this picture to his parents just by looking at his hair. Curly goes with curly, blond with blond, etc.

Shortly after this picture was taken, we hiked 1.5 miles (and 1000 ft UP) to Timanogas Cave. Aunt Katie and Grandma were very squeamish with the heights, but everyone made it there and back again.

Maracas

We have a classical radio station that plays a wonderful selection. Unfortunately, the reception is spotty.

While listening to this station the other day, Zeke asked me the other day what that weird sound was. I explained that it was static.

He cheerfully announced that he would pretend it was maracas instead. So now, when I listen to my static-filled Mozart et al., I pretend that someone has simply added maracas.