Good Questions, Liz!

We have three new questions for SwindleFun!

Let's take them one at a time.

Question: When is it okay to say "no" when someone asks you for a favor? Also, is it okay to say "no" when someone invites you to an activity that you just don't want to attend, even if you are able to?

Answer: You may decline any favor request or invitation by promptly and clearly stating that you cannot. Miss Manners says that expressing regret is a nice touch: "I'm so sorry, but I can't." Or, "Thank you for inviting us. It sounds fun, but we won't be able to come."

They key is that you never give a reason for your refusal. This protects you from (1) the person attempting to find a workaround, (2) fibbing, (3) communicating to the person what other activity you think is more important than that person's request or invitation.

Miss Manners suggests that, if pressed to explain your refusal, you say, "It's simply impossible."

That's the manners side to your question.

But I believe you are also asking if you should do a favor that you could do, but don't really want to do. If you feel that doing a particular favor would be kind, do it! A little inconvenience never hurt anyone.

However, if you feel that doing a particular favor would make you a sucker, then say no. The key here is staying within the scope of your relationship. If your neighbor gets your mail while you are out of town, it is right to feed his cat while he is away, even if you don't like cats. But should you agree to teach Primary just because the teacher doesn't feel like it? You can safely say no.

Finally, what if you could accept an invitation, but don't want to? If you feel unkind in your refusal, if your conscience is pricking you to accept, then accept. Otherwise, a polite refusal is fine.