Tuesday, February 28, 2012

My New Project

Dear Readers,

I am working on a new project, and I need your help.

I need your questions! They can be any kind of question about which you would like advice or input. Mormon-themed social or etiquette questions would be particularly welcome. You may post them here or email me or FB message me. I promise to protect your identity if you wish.

I may or may not reveal the exact nature of my project in late Spring, depending on how the project is progressing.

Thank you!


Friday, February 24, 2012

Sick Strategy

Victor and Zeke are both sick.

So far, it's just been high fevers, but Zeke has started coughing, and Victor just informed me that he has thrown up three times this afternoon.

I told him that he was amazing to get to the toilet in time.

He explained his strategy: 

"Since the throw-up stuff tries to make me throw up immediately, here is what I do. I hold it, then I go to the bathroom, then I spit."

Monday, February 20, 2012

Biz Saves a Shirt. A Helmet Saves Zeke.

On Catch the Window's suggestion, I bought some Biz a few weeks ago. I was just waiting to have a protein stain awesome enough to test it.

My wish came true on Saturday.

Jeremy took the boys on their customary Saturday bike-riding adventure, and Zeke crashed.

It was a big crash.

With plenty of blood that seeped from Zeke's face onto Jeremy's white shirt as they sat in the urgent care.

Biz was equal to the task!

After a good soak, Jeremy's shirt is good as new!

Zeke is fine, too. His helmet caught most of the impact, so his wounds are shallow, if ugly.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Oddly Specific

Yesterday, as we were driving to Costco, Victor told me that in my car, the pedal on the left is the brake and the pedal on the right is the gas.

Me: That's right. How do you know that?

V: Because when my bus driver presses the pedal on the left, which is a rectangle, it is the brake. The pedal on the right is wavy and is the diesel.

That is, he calls it "the diesel" instead of "the gas" because it is important to him that a bus runs on diesel and not on gasoline.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

SwindleFun Solves Problems That Are Probably Already Solved

Cataloging the Chaos is working on a super-fun home project.

She asked the following questions about her kitchen a couple of weeks ago, and although she has probably solved her problems already, I simply must throw in my two cents. Because that's what I do.

Question 1: Clutter always accumulates on the counters. I have baskets, but the baskets overflow. I suppose not being lazy would help this one.

Answer 1: You are right! The only solution to clutter is to get rid of it. Using baskets as a way station for temporarily necessary things (like current bills and paperwork that needs to be dealt with) only works if you clean them out frequently.

Question 2: Clutter always accumulates on the fridge.

Answer 2:  Clean it off once a week. Put away things that have a place and toss everything else.

(If you are struggling with children who want to display lots of things, I have an idea we can discuss later. Because I know you want my ideas!)

Question 3: What to do with the plastic grocery bags.

Answer 3: Scrunch them up and put them in a single bag whose handle you tie to the wire shelf in the corner of your pantry. 

Question 4: My plastic containers are always always a big fat mess.

Answer 4: First, toss everything that is gross, broken, or missing a lid. Next, stack all of the same size and kind together. Put lids near them in a rarely-used baking dish (I use a Pyrex bread pan) that is heavy enough not to tip over all the time. Put tall lids in back and short lids in front.

When you need new plastic containers (which happens every couple of years), get a set that uses the same lid for several sizes of container. Or a set that is all the same size. Then simply stack the lids next to or underneath the containers.

Question 5: I need some way to hide the faucet. It is just bare, and it faces the living room. I want to mask it some way and make that space beautiful instead of bare. It gets wet quite frequently while doing dishes, washing mud off of little feet, conducting science experiments without mom's permission, etc., so baskets or anything like that are out. Any ideas?

Answer 5: Yes! Just keep it clean and shiny. It's much easier than managing additional stuff on the counter.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

SwindleFun Answers the Blogosphere's Rhetorical Questions

Two days ago, Mad Gone Mom asked the following questions:

1. Our kids can't stay in their chairs at dinner.  What should we do about it?

2. We have been busy every Monday night for the last forever.  Should we worry that we haven't had a formal FHE in forever?

3. Are pull-ups or wet sheets preferable?

4. What do you do when your kids really aren't friends with each other?

5. How much Phineas and Ferb can one child watch? 

Being a naturally nosy and interfering person, I will now answer.

1. Find a pressure point and lean on it. In our house, earning things like dessert and Bruder trucks is extremely effective. Also, keep mealtimes as short as possible.

2. Yes. What you should do is announce that whatever evening activity you are doing is FHE. Then, when you are done, announce how much you enjoyed this evening's special FHE. Voila! You have had a formal FHE.

3. Pull-ups.

4. Nothing.

5. At least 5 hours straight without eating.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Victor's Vocabulary

Last Thursday, Victor told me he knew the word "dismember."

Me (interested/alarmed): Dismember?

Victor: Yes. It means when you can't remember what happened first and then next and next. Dismember!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Awesomest Kid Ever

This morning, when Jeremy went to wake Victor for school, Victor told him he had thrown up five of six times in the night.

He had gotten out of bed, gone into the bathroom, used the facilities, washed his face, put an emergency container next to his bed, and gone back to sleep.

All by himself.

And there is no mess.