Sunday, January 31, 2016

Victor's Eye Appointment

A couple of months ago I took Victor to the optometrist for an eye exam. As he sat in the exam chair with the large black contraption in front of his face, he said:

Victor: If Calvin were here, he would say this is a medieval torture devise.

Doctor: [small snort of laughter]

Victor: I take it you know which Calvin I'm referring to.

Doctor, after a minute: I thought they stopped publishing Calvin and Hobbes years ago.

Victor: Yes. But now you can buy it in books, such as The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes.

Also of note, Victor flunked his colorblind test. He really does not see what I see.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

The Computer Zeke Likes to Use

We have a desktop computer at the SwindleHouse. The boys' school has a set of Mac notebooks.

Zeke told me yesterday that he like to use the flattops at school.

Overheard, about Victor's Baptism

Victor turns eight this month. I just overheard him telling his friend about his birthday.

Zeke: You have to be eight to be baptized.

Raymond: So you're eight?

Victor: No, I'm going to be eight.

Zeke: And when you're eight you can be baptized.

Raymond: So it's going to be your birthday and you're going to be eight?

Victor: One of my biggest presents is going to be my baptism. Then I will have the gift of the Holy Ghost to help me know what is right.

Raymond: Have you ever done anything that's wrong?

Victor, seriously: Everybody has done things that are wrong.

Raymond: I've done things that are wrong, but I can't remember what they are.

Then they started discussing politics, and Raymond informed Victor that everybody has his own opinion.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Why Victor Can't Focus Sometimes, by Victor

Today, Victor's math teacher stopped me in the hall to tell me a story. Victor approached her the other day and said, in his thoughtful way and with his customary hand motions:

Mrs. H, I have been thinking about why it is just so hard for me to focus and get the right answers sometimes. It is because I am so tall, and the blood just can't get all the way to the top of my head.

Mrs. H said she had no idea how to respond to that, but that she's been laughing about it ever since.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Cheating at Candy Land

Today's column is about cheating when you play Candy Land with kids. Thanks to Katie for the consult!

Read it here at Nauvoo Times.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Dancing in Gym Class

Here is a link to this week's column: Dancing in Gym Class.

Thanks to the friend who gave me the question, and to Jenny for consulting on my answer.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Grandma Hammond's Weapon

Several weeks ago we called my Grandma to say hello. We asked her about her time as a Marine in WWII. Victor had a specific question:

Victor: Did you use a gun?

Grandma, laughing: No, I didn't use a gun.

Victor: So what did you use? A sword? An arrow?

Grandma: I used a typewriter.

Zeke: That does not kill anyone.