An Invitation Question

We have a question from a reader in New England!

Dear SwindleFun: My husband and I just moved to a new city. A nice couple invited us to dinner and we accepted.

A few days after the invitation, our hostess asked me if my husband and I played tennis, and would we like to play tennis as part of the dinner engagement. I answered that we do not play tennis.

A few days after that, our hostess wrote to me and asked whether we would like to play either tennis or soccer before or after dinner.

First of all, how weird is it to play sports at a dinner party? Second of all, we don't play tennis (lack of ability) or soccer (previous injury). Third of all, I don't want to be rude or a party pooper when these people are extending a hand of friendship, but I don't want to play soccer or tennis before or after dinner.

What should I do?

Answer: Never fear! You can safely decline to play sports before or after dinner because it was not part of the original invitation. The trick is to decline the sports with tact, but then state how excited you are for the dinner.

You might respond: "I'm afraid we won't be able to play soccer or tennis on Saturday. We're excited to see you at dinner, though. Is six still a good time? See you then!"

A few additional notes.

1. It is not weird to mix dinner and sports if that is what you like to do. I have at least one sibling who would be in paradise with this kind of invitation.

2. This is a cautionary tale for hostesses: make the terms of your invitation clear when you invite someone to do something. If your evening is based on a sports activity or a particular game or a particular show, make that part of your invitation so your prospective guest can make an educated response to your invitation.

3. Whenever possible, do not explain why you are declining an invitation. Just decline kindly and with regrets.

4. Where games of skill are involved, such as tennis, you should be honest about your skill level when asked. This is an exception to the general social rule of modesty because it is not fun to play tennis when you and your opponent are not similarly skilled. Or so I've heard.

Good Luck, New England!