Air Force One

Today, Jeremy listed Air Force One on Craigslist.



Here is his ad for "Much Beloved 1995 Lincoln Towncar:"

I drove this 1995 Lincoln Towncar from Greensboro to Winston-Salem every weekday for the past six years, to law school at Wake and then to my job in Winston. When I bought it six years ago, it had only 70,000 miles; it now has 188xxx.


FAQ:

1) Does it smoke? No. Exhaust is clear.

2) Does the check engine light come on? No, all is in order.

3) Does it have air conditioning? Yes, nice and cold.

4) Do you have to charge the air conditioning regularly? Yes, at least once a year, usually once at the beginning of summer and another time at the end; however, I just charged it, so you should be good to go for now.

5) My name starts with "M"; is this car good for me? Yes, someone keyed an "M" into the hood on the lower driver's side. This car is perfect for you.



6) Don't the air shocks in Lincoln Towncars go bad and leave the trunk dragging in an embarrassing fashion? Yes, and that already happened to me; the shocks have been converted to conventional shocks. Hence the "check air suspension" light will come on when you start the car, but you can disregard it, because the air shocks are no more.

7) I have pet bats who like to hang on the headliner; will I be damaging a pristine headliner if I buy this car? No. Children shredded the headliner in this car, so basically nothing your pet bats can do will harm it.


8) Tires? Newish, from Costco within the past year. Michelin X, I think.

9) Brakes? Within the past year or so, by Midas. Stops very well, no pulling.

10) I live in a very, very safe neighborhood and I don't like locking my car; is this car good for me? Yes. When you lock the driver's door, it still opens. That's new as of the past month or so. At least it will start honking if someone opens the door, though it is mostly likely that you will set it off yourself. I recommend using the driver's side door keypad before each entry.

11) I am on a diet; is this car good for me? Yes. The driver's window only rolled down if you pushed down hard on the driver's window switch for a long time and now it doesn't roll down at all. So, if you're tempted by drive-through, you won't be now, unless you're willing to debase yourself by propping the door open with your foot and reaching around the door.

12) I am really fat, though; will I fit in this car? Yes. It's big.

13) Does this car make any weird noises? Yes, a reee-eeee-eee noise. Battleground Tire tells me it is a belt tensioner, which they will charge $85 for parts and $85 for labor to replace. However, I've driven with that noise for a few months and, well, it still works. If you are good with math, you should calculate in the price of that repair when deciding whether to buy this car.

15) What about mileage? Well, if you lock it in at 65 on the freeway, you can get 26. But it gets 15 or so city. That's a reasonable consideration, but on the other hand, I now have a Golf TDI. I get 40 mpg, but I also have a car payment. I'm not money ahead; said another way, you can buy a whole lot of gas with the money you save buying this car vs. a $5,000 car.

14) Any other problems? Yes. (a) the battery is old. If you don't drive it for three weeks, it won't have the juice to start again. Drive it within that time, though, and you're good. (b) There is a rusty spot in a picture below. Just surface, but it's kind of ugly (c) it has 188k miles; that's a lot. (d) has AM/FM stereo and tape, no CD.


I adore this car. It's hideously out of fashion, but when you're behind the wheel driving somewhere with tons of room for you and your family and a trunk big enough to carry all of your strollers and bags and whatnot, with V8 power, it's a good ride. You'll be glad you're not in a Civic.

Also, on those rare occasions in snows here, you can get all Dukes of Hazzard with the rear wheel drive.

I will likely shed a genuine tear when you drive it away because it has been that wonderful. I hope you, the eventual purchaser, are similarly satisfied.

The car is parked on the street at [our address] if you want to check it out. But don't even bother looking at my sweet conversion van. Those 30 pinstripes of awesomeness are all mine and completely priceless.