My Thoughts on the TSA Patdowns

In the last week, I've been patted down twice at airports. I got the patdown because I set off the metal detectors.

Was it like a sexual assault? Let's put it this way:  if my Beehives asked if a boy could touch them that way since he wasn't touching their actual girl parts, I'd say not on your life. No one is allowed to get that close with that kind of pushing and feeling--I don't care what side of the hand they are using. And no one should be feeling around inside the waistband of your jeans without a lot more evidence than "you set off a metal detector." Since I was wearing an undershirt, they didn't touch my skin. Most people would experience a TSA agent going under their clothes to touch their skin. Yuck. Can you say "unreasonable search"?

I did not request a private screening room. Why on earth would you want someone doing the patdown in private with no witnesses?

There is a theme among the pictures I've seen (Friday's WSJ front page, for example) and the people I observed getting the patdown.

It's mostly women who have set off the metal detectors, and for two apparent reasons:

1. A figure that requires supportive undergarments. Both TSA agents acknowledged this to me. The first even complimented the fit of my bra.

2. People with implanted medical devices. TSA agent #2 pushed too hard on my port and demanded to know what it was. She hadn't asked if I had a medical device, and since I don't normally think about it, I hadn't mentioned it. I had to pull down the neck of my shirt to show her my scar and the bump under my skin. It's about three fingers below my clavicle. I explained that it's for cancer, that mine is made of plastic, and that it doesn't have enough metal to harm an MRI machine.

So from my observations, we're scrutinizing curvy women and women with fake knees and port-o-caths. In other words, we're wasting most of our time searching people who are not remotely dangerous. And everybody knows it, including the TSA agents.

This has got to be the easiest screening ever for a would-be terrorist to avoid. Just don't put metal on your body.

Back Safe Home Again

We're back from Boron!

We had a very nice time.

I shot a 44 Magnum and used a scope for the first time.

Victor decided he wants to live in Boron when he grows up because there is a lot of dirt to dig in.

And I got another patdown, this time at LAX. It was even more aggressive.

Victor Is Right

Yesterday we went to the dentist. Zeke hopped right up into the chair, but Victor was wary.

Victor was also correct about something.

He has four loose teeth.

FOUR!

Growing in Love

Jeremy and I have been married for eight and a half years, and I can tell that our love has really grown because we have spent the past two nights sleeping in a tiny queen size bed, and we're not miserable.

Luxury Travel

Yesterday we took a long trip. But since I got to sit next to Zeke instead of a full-size adult, it was no biggie. The main event of the day was when I set of the metal detector for the FIRST TIME in my life.

I got the full pat down.

A Disappointment

Now that I have ample locks, I require hair appointments.

Unfortunately, when I arrived at Ulta this morning, no stylists were there. Apparently, Sarah, who cut my hair last time, "is not longer with us." And it further appears that she deleted her appointments from the system, leaving me high and dry and embarking on a trip to my in-laws sans style.

Boo, Sarah!

Spoon Strategy

In an effort to trick the Irony Fairies into returning my spoons, I have purchased six new spoons at Target.

I'm glad Oneida offers six-packs of teaspoons. Especially as the new spoons nest so nicely with the old spoons.